Tag: Doula

When Doulas Give Birth- Britney’s Story

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Editors note:  I’ve always thought that when a doula gives birth herself, she brings a really interesting point of view to the experience.  The new Capital City Doula Services blog series, When Doulas Give Birth, will include guest post from some of the doulas in the CCDS Doula Collaboration; a group for the doulas that have trained through my DONA approved doula training workshop. Britney’s guest post below is the perfect one to kick off the series. It holds special meaning for me as a doula trainer, as Britney herself AND her doula Lisa were both my doula students (in separate workshops) and have both become exceptional doulas.  Thank you Britney for sharing this honest look into how being a doula yourself affected your own birth experience, I’m honored to include it on the blog.     -Melissa

By: Britney Asbell, CD(DONA)

Britney Asbell

DONA certified doula Britney Asbell, husband Tyler and DONA certified doula Lisa Maddux moments after Britney and Tyler welcomed their second child, Tucker. Photo credit Heather Dimsdale, Two Little Loves Studio.

Just shy of my daughter turning 18 months old, I realized that I was expecting our next child. I could not hide the excitement of experiencing another pregnancy and birth, but this time as a doula! I felt more in tune with my body, I just knew that knowledge was power, and I knew so much more than I did through my first pregnancy and birth experience (which was amazing in itself!).

As “labor day” quickly approached, I was doing all I could to make sure my baby was in the most optimal position for birth. I watched my estimated delivery date come and go, which was no surprise to me as my first was born a few days past 41 weeks. As 1:00 am rolled around on December 15, 2016, I felt as if that might be the day. The cramps I felt became more regular and increased in intensity. My doula mind knew I was experiencing contractions; however my mindset in trying to compare this labor to my first became so confused. It all just felt so different.

There was no back labor, no slow build up; it was hitting me, wave after wave of contractions. I soon called my doula to join us. As Lisa Maddux CD(DONA), arrived at my home, she suggested we go ahead to the hospital. I initially questioned her and said maybe I should walk around just a few minutes more but, before I could make it down the stairs, I knew in my mind it was time to go. We arrived sometime between 3:30-4:00 am and I was checked at 4-5cm, 80% effaced. I immediately thought to myself “we are here too early!” I thought having the knowledge, a doula mindset if you will, would help me through this labor.

However, I found I was being pulled out of my labor-land and trying to wear my doula hat. I kept playing scenarios in my head of what would happen if I stalled, how would I cope through these contractions, would I feel rushed to deliver? So many questions were whirling through my mind. I struggled to shut out the thoughts, put my doula knowledge aside and just follow my body. Deep down I knew that’s all that needed to be done.

I did not have to play the doula role; I had my own doula to do that for me.

I found reassurance in her answers to my questions as I helplessly looked at her and asked “what should I do?” The gentle looks she gave, the reassuring answers, the knowledge of how to approach me all put me at ease. It was surreal at moments, watching her, I could see myself. I would sometimes think ah, I know this trick or yes, good idea!

As labor progressed, I became better at shutting down my knowledge and allowing my mind and body to enter a very primal state. Once I was able to fully shut it all down, things progressed quickly. I went from 5cm to holding my son in about 40 minutes. He was born at 6:12 am on December 15, 2016.

At one point, just moments before I pushed, I looked my doula in the eyes and told her I needed an epidural. She gave a little laugh, knowing that was not actually me saying those words, and told me it was too late and that it was almost over. In that moment I knew she was right, I knew I had what it would take to finish this process, and I was so thankful to have her by my side.

Through this pregnancy and birth I found that while knowledge is power, it can also totally get in your head at moments and often times make you question things that should not always be questioned. My mind was often questioning what ifs of labor or wanting to come up with a game plan. As the laboring mom, I felt that was not my job, so turning it off and giving in to the process became the winning idea for me!

Giving birth as a doula with a doula by my side was an even greater experience than I expected. I felt more of a connection, it was as if we were not only a friendship or doula/client relationship, but we had a deeper bond, a stronger connection…

it was a sisterhood.

 Britney Asbell CD(DONA) has been a DONA International birth doula since April 2015 and a Breastfeeding USA Counselor since April 2016. She is passionate about birth, breastfeeding, and the early postpartum period. When not assisting mothers in birth or with breastfeeding, she can often be found loving on her own babies, hiking with her family, or traveling. Britney lives in Kathleen, Georgia with her husband, Tyler and children, Lana and Tucker. Find Britney on Facebook @britneyasbelldoulaservices or Instagram @britneyasbelldoula. Photo credit: Two Little Loves Studio

Doula tips and tricks: To shadow or not to shadow, that is the question.

You know those cute little boxes of chocolate that are oh, so popular around this time of year? The ones that have assorted flavors/fillings with the cute little map of what’s inside?

One of my favorite things to do with the  box  is to pull out my favorite candy and open it up aWoman Eating Box Of Chocolates Sitting On Sofa At Home little by smashing it on the bottom to see what’s inside. There’s something satisfying about seeing and feeling the familiarity of the chocolates that I like and the ones I don’t, by looking inside the depth of their sugary goodness rather than just reading the name of the chocolate on the map. My favorite, the chocolate covered caramel always looks and feels the same, and I could just skip the peeking(i.e smashing) step and pop it into my mouth when I find it by name, but there’s just something comfortable about opening it and feeling it- for myself. How does this apply to doula work, you ask?

Recently, I finished teaching a DONA International doula workshop in which a doula-to-be asked about “shadowing” another doula before acting as a doula on her own.

This is not an uncommon question for doulas in training, in fact, I probably field this question in each and every doula training I offer. In my years as a doula, I have worked in collaboration with several newer doulas who have had a desire to see another doula in action before they are in the birthing room with a family one on one. I think shadowing can be valuable.

My rule of thumb for shadowing is that the parents have to feel like it’s a benefit to have two doulas, AND the new doula has to participate, not just watch. The newer doula should be helpful and have a role that everyone is comfortable with. There are a few reasons for why this is important.

It allows us to protect the sacred space for the mother so that she is completely comfortable during the birthing process.

We’ve heard of mothers who have proclaimed that they felt like a “watched pot” by all of the staff, family members, medical students, and others involved in their birth. The last thing we want to do as doulas is to add to that stress and tension by having another body in the room just observing. We want to protect the very delicate hormonal dance that her body is doing as it builds to the time of birth. We want to be seen as ones who fill the gaps, helping families how they most need us. At the same time, someone else’s birth is not about us, it’s about that precious family in the making. If we bring a “shadow” to just watch, we may be actually shifting the intent(to train a new doula) and the focus a bit.

Just like the box of chocolates, doulas need to get in there and “feel” it.

Box of ChocolatesThey need to grab the chocolate that looks like the truffle and they need to break it open and see the truffley goodness inside, and they may not be able to fully do that as a shadow.

 

 

They need to intuitively feel- in the moment- how they can best serve the family they have the honor to be with.

They need to get to work and learn to ebb and flow with the waves of labor. They need to be given the space to learn when it’s best to put the hands-on skills they’ve tried into action, and when it’s best to just be present. They need to get in there and experience labor and birth first hand- as the primary doula.

Just as I believe that women enter into birth with exactly what they need to accomplish the birth of their child, I believe that new doulas who have completed my training(or one of my very skilled colleagues), enter into birth with what they need as well.

One of our great mentors, sometimes referred to as The Mother Of All Doulas, Penny Simkin once said that the most important thing that doulas can bring with them into a birth is their heart and hands. It is in that vein that I know that doulas who have taken a quality training and are working through the certification process have the tools to be effective doulas- right from the start, shadowing or not!

Each new doula brings something special to the birth of a baby, and we desire for our doulas to feel empowered to trust that they will have exactly what that family needs at the time that they need it. It is often through the experience of walking alongside a family, that the doula will truly get a good feel for what’s inside the beautiful and exquisite doula client relationship, and how they can best serve families in the moment.

While shadowing can be of value to the doula, it does not take the place of hands on training that comes with the first solo client.  While it can sometimes bring a bit of fear for a brand new doula to take on a solo client, right from the start, be reminded that you bring value. Your training, your at-home learning, your investment of time and resources,  your heart, and your hands, all bring important things to the birth.  Will you feel more comfortable as a doula after a few times, of course you will, but can you do it right out of the gate- you bet you can!I BELIEVE YOU CAN BE A GREAT DOULA!

Just as we explore confidence building with our clients, you too can take responsibility for building your own confidence.  I believe that YOU can be a great doula, now what are you doing to believe that too? It’s time to grab that box of chocolates and see what’s inside, I’m betting there’s something really amazing waiting just for you.

Always growing, ever learning, much loving,

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Melissa Harley, AdvCD/BDT(DONA), LCCE is an advanced certified birth doula, approved birth doula trainer, and certified childbirth childbirth educator.  She is the owner of Capital City Doula Services (CCDS) and this blog.   While working as a doula led her to the childbirth profession, mentoring  families and professionals  is one of her greatest joys.  To contact Melissa, please visit our contact us page.

 

 

Beauty Through Tears-Part 1

Editors note:  I’m thrilled to have Emily chronicle her journey into doula work for our blog series, Doula Journeys: Challenges, Joys and Experiences . I remember when the photo she included in her story first hit my own social media feed and I was in awe!  It showed such raw emotion of everyone at that birth and I wasn’t surprised when Emily contacted me not long after to register for doula training!  I hope you enjoy reading this inspiring, emotional piece by CCDS doula Emily!  -Melissa

By: Emily Geyer, doula, pursuing certification with DONA International

Emily Geyer, Birth Doula

Emily Geyer, Birth Doula

When I was 7 months pregnant with my first baby one of my best friends went into labor. She had invited me to be there weeks before so I quickly got ready and my husband and I went to meet her and her husband and another couple from our circle of friends at the birthing center they chose. The women went into the back to be close to the soon-to-be brand new parents while our husbands stayed in the front room listening through the walls and running food errands as needed.

I was pregnant from head to toe. Everything about me was round. My swollen feet barely fit into my Crocs and I didn’t know it yet but I was about to start wearing my husband’s t-shirts every day. I also didn’t know that I was about to have a painful PUPPS rash across my abdomen or that the tiny girl I was carrying would soon be dancing with her feet on my pelvis making no plans to turn.

I also didn’t know how much this one day would change my life.

My body contracted along with hers that day. Later, one of the student midwives told us her favorite part of that birth was the way I looked at my friend. Full of love and sympathy and confidence and excitement imagining how we’d switch roles in a few short weeks. All I did that day was sit in my very round bit of space and watch my friend. I had no idea what to do beyond that but it never occurred to me to feel out of place or like I didn’t belong. She needed us there cheering her on under our breath, knowing she could do this in the moments she didn’t think she could.

And then, after many hours of watching her move and dance and march and rest, the sun was up and her baby with the most perfect little button nose was there, staring back at us, as if thanking us for holding the space she now occupied.

We all wiped our eyes and let our breath out a bit and I knew there was no where else I should have been or would rather have been that day.

My friend went on to doula training within the next year. But I wasn’t ready yet. She started her business and moved and started it again and kept going and making it work. And once again I found myself watching her.

And more life happened. Another baby for my family, lots more babies for all of my friends. Tough years, good years, playgroups, homeschooling, my annual Facebook posts reminding everyone and myself that I was still thinking about becoming a doula one day. Sticking all of the encouraging responses to my posts into my pocket to carry around a little while longer.

Eventually another best friend asked me to be there for the birth of her baby.

And this happened:

emily Geyer

This beautiful shot was captured by birth photographer, Christy Baldwin. To see more of her work, visit www.christybaldwin.com

I was there. And I ugly cried. And there was this definitive photographic evidence going close to viral in my small town. People started stopping me at the grocery store, at the library asking me why I looked familiar. So I’d scrunch up my face and reach out my arm and they’d quickly scream something about those amazing birth photographs and I’d scream a little too and we’d start figuring out all the friends we had in common because, you know, small town.

I couldn’t stop it any more. My affinity for birth and belief in us being there for each other in those moments was out of the box.

The doula call was officially shaking me, not letting me sleep, making my cheeks hurt from smiling just thinking about it.

Finally, I took the affirmations out of my pocket and held them in front of me as I filled out my online registration for the next DONA training near me. I wrote it on my calendar and made my obligatory Facebook post announcing it to my world. And everyone posted little hearts and said it was about time and congratulations and asked what I needed to get started. My friends and family reminded me that I’d already been doing this thing, that I already loved it, that they were there supporting me and that they wouldn’t stop.

And I ugly cried some more. And it was beautiful.

 

Emily Geyer, Birth Doula

Emily Geyer completed a DONA training class in 2015 and is currently in the certification process to become a birth doula. When she’s not talking about birth, attending births, or writing about birth she’s probably hiking in the woods, crafting something or eating a snack. Emily lives in Tallahassee with her husband and two daughters.   Find Emily on facebook @  Abiding Birth : Doula Services

DONA Intl 2016 Doula Trainers Retreat; Let there be CAKE!

By: Melissa Harley

Dona RetreatLate January was filled with fellow DONA International doula trainers at the 2016 DONA Trainers Retreat in Clearwater, Florida! And all I can say is, the last several weeks have filled my doula trainer cup! Almost 50 DONA trainers (both birth and postpartum) gathered to learn, grow, and support one another. From the late night pillow talk to the morning coffee chats, the relationships formed at this event were exceptional!  Collectively, we are an amazing bunch!

The event kicked off with a champagne reception to celebrate our first retreat, the work that we do, and each other! The feeling in the room was light and celebratory and many expressed joy and awe about being together.

Most meaningful to me during the first evening of the retreat was the big group circle time where we were able to come together and honor each other for all kinds of things- distance traveled, years training, leadership roles, and our roles within in this amazing organization.

During our circle time we were also able to hear from trainers as they shared a few heartfelt stories about our founders(Annie Kennedy, John Kennell(late) Marshall Klaus, Phyllis Klaus, and Penny Simkin)  from funny to inspiring, what a gift the founders have given to our profession by their vision, guidance, love and support!  It was really neat to see the different perspectives and hear from my colleagues as to how the founders touched their lives.   There was even a bit of levity as we heard not only touching stories about the impact of each founder, but also some fun tid bits about them as well! I’m always so impressed with the warmth and approach-ability of our founders, their teaching spirits and their humble quest for learning.

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Melissa Harley and fellow DONA Intl Trainer Wendy Scharp participating in the pushing position activity!

Day two was filled with speakers, conversation, collaboration, learning, and sharing. We started the day hearing from Patty Brennan, author of The Doula Business Guide, moved into Innovating Education with Sharon Muza and ended the day with Amy Gilliland’s workshop on curriculum writing for advanced doula workshops. As you can see in these photos, I had such fun with fellow trainer Wendy Scharp from Portland, Oregon as we went through Sharon’s activity on facilitating a learning activity around positions for pushing!

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Melissa Harley and Wendy Scharp, can you tell we’re having fun!

 

In-between speakers we had lots of casual conversation about our work as DONA International doula trainers, our organization, maternity care, and the work of the doula in today’s society.

Saturday afternoon brought on our celebratory CAKES! 5 decadent cakes were awaiting our break-time and they were delicious! If you know me, you know that I feel that EVERY celebration deserves CAKE! And we were celebrating, after all, we were celebrating being together, being trainers and BEING DONA! There were hugs, tears and of course lots of laughter! It was a wonderful way to take a moment and celebrate the great things happening with DONA International. Saturday was a great day, from learning as professionals to growing in relationship with one another, it was SO good!    I was even honored to sit on a panel among these skilled trainers to discuss how we mentor doulas beyond the workshop.

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DONA International Trainers Mentoring Panel- (left to right), Jesse Remer, Penny Lyon, Ann Pollack, Melissa Harley, Sheri Deveny

 The afternoon ended  with an opportunity for me to sit down and talk with our DONA International president- HeatherGail Lovejoy, and our founders (Annie, Penny, & Phyllis); where we were able to share a bit, and hear a bit. I’m calling it a Key Life Doula Moment as it was truly a precious conversation and I will hold it near and dear along my journey as part of the DONA International family. It was magical!

Day three met us with a wonderful breakfast spread and more conversation that led into our learning sessions with Jessica English and Kyndal May. The sessions were extremely educational and eye-opening. We were able to put some terms to trends we’re seeing in the doula world, and we were able to strategize ways to better communicate and to further the mission and vision of DONA International.

As the retreat came to an end, our founders, Annie Kennedy, Phyllis Klaus, and Penny Simkin shared a bit from their perspectives. Annie led us in a time of sharing of what was meaningful to us, Phyllis and Penny shared from their hearts, and at the end of it all, Penny herself declared 2016 “The year of the doula!” You can imagine the cheers in the room as we all agreed we ARE in an amazing place and headed into uncharted waters of more and more families receiving the support of a doula in birth and postpartum.
On a side note, after the closing of the retreat I got to do something really fun, take a selfie with one of my mentors, Penny Simkin. The last photo I have of Penny and I together would have been in 2007 just after she and Kathy McGrath led us through 4 days of how to become a DONA International trainer! It was a bit of a full circle moment as I was reflecting on my current involvement on our DONA International Board of Directors in the role of Marketing and Public Relations Director!

I was so deeply touched by the retreat, it was a lovely time of fellowship with other trainers and was exceedingly meaningful to see the leaders in our industry come together. The excitement in the room and on social media during and after the event was such a treat. As a member of the planning committee, hearing from others in attendance as to how the retreat spoke to them and helped them feel valued is such a gift. And, speaking of the committee, let me just say, they rock!  It was a successful event that would not have taken place without a tremendous amount of teamwork, and it was wonderful to watch it all come together!

All in all, I’m just in awe.   There are such great things in store for this organization, fellow members, doulas, and for families, and I can’t wait to see what 2016 has in store for us all.

My doula trainer spirit is refreshed and my cup filleth over, I am honored to walk in the midst of this moment. #weareDONA

Always growing, ever learning, much loving,

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